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11Sep/100

“I’ll rip your eyes out AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!” Alpha & Omega 3D Review

This morning I met my brother, his wife and two youngest children and took them to see the comin soon Alpha and Omega movie in 3D.

Through the entire movie I felt like I was watching a close relative, maybeeeeee say, a half brother or a cousin to Happy Feet. Obviously and convienently enough, they are by the same studios as Happy Feet. Mind you, this isnt a bad thing -- Happy Feet was a great movie. But, was Alpha and Omega?

I give it a B+.

The similarities were definitely great. If you recall Happy Feet, its about an outcast chick that has no voice (he cant sing, remember?) Well, while the story with Alpha and Omega is about wolves, one wolf isn't able to howl like he should be able to.

Some parts of the movie seemed a little odd, made me sit there and go "holy shit. they just said that?" (see title). I had to then remember the audience of the film are young children who will only remember the dialog for about 5 seconds, but the visuals for a lifetime. You have to keep the parents interested, right?

The next similarity is the ever classic Lion King. At parts, I felt as if I was watching Simba run through a stampede.

As far as the graphics, they were fine. Nothing mind blowing, by any means. However, it was not a cheap production. THe 3D? I didnt notice much really, however, they had plenty of opportunity to utilize this with the golf, river splashes, birds flying, etc.

The voice work was done really well and matched seamlessly with the animations. Some of the main voices were Justin Long, Hayden Panettiere, Dennis Hopper, Danny Glover and Christina Ricci.

Anywho, movie was good. I do give it a strong B-, but if you are the type of parent that really wants to pamper the movies your children see, you should remember this is PG and some things the mother says are a little absurd (shes very protective). Aside from that, theres nothing I found that could be inappropriate.

Oh, some children were a little scared by all the growling of the wolves at certain fights.

RIP Dennis Hopper.

10Sep/100

“Thats no way to treat a lady…” – Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

Having been lazy and not entered the 99x web contest for screening tickets, I was fortunate enough to have someone contact me regarding an extra pass for the advanced screening of Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D last night.

I got to the theater at 7 expecting the movie to start at 8, when really it started at 9. This was alright, as it gave me time to finally chat it up with several people I see at all the screenings, and get my foot 'into their group' so that I can always get their extra passes for movies I am missing out on.

Once we were allowed into the theater, it slowly filled all the way to capacity, and we had some guest appearances from zombie nurses and other monsters from Netherworlds Haunted house, giving out coupons for this season -- score!

Anyway, you probably dont care about that -- you'd rather read about my take on the movie.

Up front, and honestly, I'd give it a C+/B-, and heres why...

For most of the 97 minutes, it was boring. When I think of Resident Evil, I think about hot chicks whoopin' ass on some Zombie brethren. It starts out with some infiltration action of the Hive, and then tapers of to a long segment of the travel and adventure of Milla Jovovich trying to locate survivors. The brunt of the action in the later half of the movie.

Some of the special effects were corny and looked very digital, and the story definitely lacked. The action scenes? Decent. The special effects on the zombies? Definitely good.

It was, however, a good surprise to see Wentworth Miller as I had no idea he had a role. Additionally, the best part of the mvie, for me, was Milla and Ali Larter.

The musical score was really good in this film, and the relation to the video game was definitely not there, however, Albert Wesker was present and the main antagonist. Another great apperance was that of The Butcher from Resident Evil 5 (game). While short lived in the movie, he was definitely a bad ass and they captured the character INCREDIBLY well from the game.

I'd say, if you are a fan of the series, then you should see this.

If you are the type of person that hates movies when they lack substantial plot and story, then you probably wont like this.

Will there be ANOTHER installment of Resident Evil? My vote? They have the option for sure.

Post a comment and let me know YOUR favorite Resident Evil movie, and why!

29Aug/100

Here cukie cukie cukieeeeeeeee!

Baby cukie!

Mid-July I got a random package delivered and left in the leasing office. I had to slave to get it to my apartment and upon opening found it was an Earthbox Compost growing aparatus.

Within a few days I went out and picked up baby cucumber plants and two okra plants, assembled the box, planted the pups and sat back to watch what happens.

In the meantime, its rained and its been sunny. I've lost my tomato plants (actually, I said to hell with them and trashed em) and my broccoli still refuse to flower and give me some f'ing broccoli! My garlic chives are doing well, though. Havent used any :\

Well, I've decided its time to show just what exactly my dad did to my lofts patio. Honestly, I have several reasons to thank him for this hidden gem of a box.

It has:

  1. Given me a means to grow more veggies
  2. Given me something to watch progress and do, as I say, 'just cuz it gives me something to do'
  3. Most importantly: provided me shelter to go sit on my patio and smoke a cigar and drink a beer without the gay dude standing across the court yard staring at me while he smokes cigarettes backtoback while playing with his Chihuahua.

Here is a picture of the plants when I planted them (found in blog post "Sometimes I like to think I'm like Bob Villa, found here):

Just a couple happy baby plants!

Now, here are a few pictures of the plant now... A little over 6 weeks old:

Now, I just need to find a delicious recipe to use for pickling when they get to the appropriate size!

24Aug/100

Chicken wings: the fuel to violence in rural Atlanta

Wow. Just... just wow.

Tonight my friend Tyler and I decided "hey! we're bored! we're hungry! LETS EATTTTTTTTT!" so we venture out to Wild Wings in Marietta for their "2 for Tuesday" deal on wings. Jesus, what a mistake... What a huge huge mistake.

Our night and adventure that seemed so promising was quickly shat and flushed down the toilet the moment we got to the restaurant, before we even got to park.

We pull up and theres a giant wait ... of 16 and unders. We find out theres a wait for 50 minutes -- we should have left. If I had a mullegen, I'd leave.

What my night ended with was the current attempt to find the solution of this equation: Yager + asshole + full moon + drive for chicken wings by all party + trashy girls = near fight and possible gunning in Wild Wing parking lot.

Who knew that its no longer Blood Diamonds, but Blood Tasty-Chicken-Wing-Morsels. Sorry, DiCaprio -- this one doesnt star you, but rather me!

So here's the scoop. The wait was 50 minutes -- or first come first serve at the Tiki Bar outback of the Wild WIngs. We ventured out back and found some seats! Our thoughts? SCORE! SCREW YOU 50 MINUTE WAIT! The reality? Internal dialogue of: damn, I should really be sticking to my diet and not have come out tonight.

The sitch was this: End of bar - taken seat - open seat - taken seat - open seat - taken seat - taken seat - end of bar

We ask the two people talking over the 2nd taken seat if that seat was taken, and they happily converged together and gave us then two open seats side by side -- SCORE! SCREW YOU 50 MINUTE WAIT!

10 minutes pass, all hell starts to unravel. It turns out we sat next to the good ol Brenden, a Canadian.

Brenden now invited some classy classy girls to come sit with him at the bar, and it was now our problem to deal with it seemed.

Brenden: Hey, hippy, get up and give your seat to my friends.

Tyler: What? No. Hi, my name is Tyler!

Brenden: Ya, Brenden. Now be a gentleman and give your seat to my friends.

From then on, it was constant "You're a douchebag! You're a fag! I'm not asking you to pull your dick out and jack off, I just want you to get up and give me your seat!" and more and more.

Honestly, there was a better chance of me pulling out my sausage than giving that prick my seat at this point. However, the bartender was starting to get pissed off, so I hopped up and gave my seat, and was given one to someone else immeidately.

Problem solved -- except for Brendan, the Canadian, who continued to keep talking smack.

20 minutes pass:

Brendan: Hey get the fuck up so my friends can sit, and scoot down

Me: Get the fuck up? How about you apologize for calling me a douchebag? I'd then love to give you my seat!

Blah blah blah. Of course this was then said:

Brendan: If you have a problem, come out to the parking lot with me to settle it mother fucker!

And of course, I laugh and start into the "really? are we going to throw down over wanting some chicken wings?"

I gave him my seat, cuz I'm a "faggot douchebag".

Finally other seats open, we move and he talks some more smack, we ignore and enjoy our much needed chicken wings. Afterall, Brendan was hopped up on Jager, Bud Light and CHICKAN WANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG so I needed my fuel for my fireeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Anyway, we leave. I look over my shoulder a few times to watch him eyeing us out of the corner of his eye, but he stays put.

We get to my car, get in, and start backing up and low and behold! ITS BRENDAN!

Looking in random car windows parked, and running up to every car window driving and looking in to see if we were there, looking like he was holding something under his shirt. Was it a gun? Maybe. Was it his to-go parcel of chicken wings? I hope not, Brendan is the HULK when he has wings in his blood.

We drove off....

Lesson? If you go get chicken wings, bring a weapon.

It makes sense that the week after I decide humanity has restored a marginal amount of faith to me, and I don't need a pistol to defend myself and decide to sell it, that I really wish I had one.

Sorry for my rant -- I just didnt realize tasty chicken wing morsels came with such an adventure anymore. I'm not sure I like it :\

20Aug/100

Amazon: The way a company SHOULD be run!

It's easy for me to get super excited about something that I find really interesting or outstandingly different and unique. For example, I'm a movie studios best friend because if you're movie was good, I will toot its horn all over the place. Another would be say Zappos and their prompt and incredible customer service. However, I honestly think that overall, Amazon is still my #1 company in terms of customer service and customer experience.

A few weeks ago I tried to order 8 bottles of Philosophy body wash for gifts for Christmas because they were on sale for an incredible price ($4 for a 16oz bottle, which is pretty awesome). However, shortly after ordering, the company, Philosophy, changed the product page to display it was for a 3oz bottle instead of a 16oz bottle -- this changes everything: I do not want them anymore.

Easy enough, I email Philosophy to cancel the order and they reply with very unprofessional wording and absolutely no punctuation a message letting me know the orders were automatically canceled, see the following:

dear valued customer,

as part of philosophy's quality process, we verify certain aspects of outgoing orders. during that verification, it came to our attention that the price you were quoted for double rich hot cocoa shampoo, shower gel & bubble bath was incorrectly noted on the amazon.com web site.

due to this inaccuracy, we unfortunately had to cancel orders that included this item as we currently do not have the pictured 16 oz double rich hot cocoa shampoo, shower gel & bubble bath in stock.  your payment method will not be charged for this order, and any pending hold on your account will be released in accordance with your financial institution's purchase policy.

while uncommon, inaccurate pricing does occur from time to time with our retail partners. we apologize for any inconvenience and look forward to serving you beautifully in the future.

best regards,
philosophy

The funny part about this email, aside from how its presented, is it was sent to me 75 times! Thats fine, my card wasnt charged, I'm happy. I forgot about it.

Amazon, however, they did not. Today I receive this email:

Hello,

We're writing about your recent Philosophy order and the multiple e-mails you received as a result of its cancelation. This was an error on our part, and we're very sorry for any inconvenience it may've caused.

We'd like to make this right and offer you a $15 gift card good for a future purchase on Amazon.com. You'll find the claim code and details below.

We look forward to seeing you again soon.

Sincerely,
Customer Service Department
Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com

Please note: this e-mail was sent from a notification-only address that cannot accept incoming e-mail. Please do not reply to this message.

How awesome is that?! A $15 gift card, just because Philosophy emailed me 75 times to let me know my order was canceled! Honestly, I thought it was more humorous than annoying since GMail rocks and collapsed them all into two groups, see the following (they look really small, but click one of the two pictures to see):

I feel bad, however, for Amazon because this was not their fault, at all. This was an item listed on THEIR website by Philosophy, that I'm certain HUNDREDS of people tried to take advantage of (I found it off www.slickdeals.net), so if you figure say 150 people tried to purchasing a bottle of body wash, Amazon is out $2250 (150 people x $15 card each). And why do they do this?

Because they know how to turn a profit! They know how to take responsibility, even though it truly wasnt theirs to begin with. They know the process of customer retention is a LOT easier than customer acquisition (unless they can do it in both cases, like with me posting this blog!)

I absolutely love Amazon, and always have. I will never stray from them so long as they keep their policies the way they are, and offer such incredible services like their Amazon Prime (you get free 2 day shipping on ANYTHING sold via Amazon on their website, and you can invite 4 friends to use your Prime account FOR FREE!)

Thanks Amazon! Gonna buy some books for my Kindle now!

If you have a great customer service example to share, I'd love to hear it! Leave me a comment!

14Aug/101

Hubble 3D IMAX – “To infiniti, and beyondddddddd!”

"I think in 500 years people will look back at Hubble and say its one of Mans most amazing creations"  -- I think you're right.

Today was the screening of Hubble 3D IMAX for Atlanta. I cannot say advanced, as its already released in some parts of the countries and is currently being introduced to others. However, for Atlanta, its the first time its been shown here.

This movie, for a lack of bette words, was absolutely astonishing -- and with that, the only negative part is that it is only a runtime of 45 minutes, and is not nearly long enough.

The use of 3D is wonderful in the traveling between stars and galaxies, and the quality of fixed cameras on the space shuttle during the Hubble repairs in April 2009 is absolute beautiful and pristine, while the camera helmets and space shuttle cameras are a little grainy (not high res cameras, and footage is blown to IMAX, what do you expect?)

The film shows some of Hubbles findings, which are overlaid onto CGI in such an incredible way it seems seemless and it seems as if our telescope was able to build 3D captures of distant galaxies.

The film then proceeds to show the launching, notice of failure of the primary mirror, and then the training and launches of new missions for Hubble repairs, all the way up until the last and final missions in April 2009.

Then, back to the galaxies!

I've always been overwhelmed by the thought and while viewing pictures captured of the billions of galaxies and stars captured by Hubble, and to see it at this magnitude and presentation was absolutely incredible. To see with such sound and resolution the launch of a space shuttle, the rumbling of the solid rocket booster and the astonishing bloom of smoke, and the fine detail of launch platform all in 3D IMAX format, wow. It almost made me emotional on how incredible a feat it is and that we are able to do it.

The easy way to put this is: GO AND SEE THIS MOVIE! It is an ABSOLUTE must. Our world at times seems like its so large, I mean afterall  it takes 24 hours to fly from Atlanta to Sydney -- but how does that compare to the fact we now see galaxies that are 800 billion light years away? That means the light we see, originated 800 BILLION YEARS AGO! And we are seeing it, now. Whats there now? When you look at the sky, those stars are other solar systems and galaxies, and we only see a fraction of the hundreds of billions that are out there. How big is Earth, now?

You see magnificant footage of stars collapsing, and a star nursery. Absolutely incredible.

When this arrives (most likely at Fernbank) buy your tickets ASAP!

12Aug/100

Eat. Pray. Love. – “To lose yourself in the balance…”

"To lose yourself in the balance ... of love, is to find your balance in life"

This movie was good -- if you have a lot of estrogen. To be one of the few straight dudes, with other straight dudes, is not really the movie to go to.

The movie was good, though. Cute. Occasional humour. Lots of women 'awing'. Lots of sniffles. Lots of sappy parts.

While thinking of how to compare this movie to others and familiar books or movies, I came up with this... It's not the same as say The Proposal or The Ugly Truth -- the quick pace, the level of humor and the situations are not there.

Its more like, you are younger and you got dragged to your grandparents and your grandmother spent the afternoon telling her the story of her midlife crisis when she was 40 -- theres a lot of great stuff, theres a lot of filler, and theres a surprising bit of hints to an overall message -- live, laugh, and love.

Another comparison would be like that of "Dork Whore" by Iris Bahr, sans drugs, sexcapades, and desperate attempt to lose the sacred flower and find self-enlightment be it through group relations or individualism.

I am comfortable in saying that this movie will prove to be one of the top chick flicks, one of the top go to movies. Maybe not entirely because of the movie itself, but because of the crowd from the book -- like that whole Twilight craze.

One of the things I most, I wouldnt say appreciate but relate to, would be a line where a gentleman says "ever notice that when at someones wedding, you find yourself thinking about you?" Think about it -- its true. At least, I can relate? I go to a wedding, and I think about my life. I think about where she you are.

I also can't help but think during these movies how bad ass it would be to have my own musical score to my life. If I, or anyone, had music playing in the background our lives would seem so much more 'perfect' and probably even important -- I mean, people buy soundtracks to movies because those songs then draw up emotion and situations/fantasies that relate the movie to your life.

Whens the last time someone went and bought one of your mixtapes?

Having wrote this, I'd say see it (ladies). Men, go with ladies. This isnt a 'go by yourself' movie.

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10Aug/100

The Expendables Review – “This shit ain’t Christmas!”

Tonight my faith in movie releases was restored thanks to Sly Stallone and his work with his well-recognized cast of The Expendables.

We got to the theater around 6 for a 7:00PM movie and were surprised by the line that had already formed -- understandably so, lots of people were looking forward to the movie and tickets went quick for the advanced screening.

So now, my review take and two cents.

The Expendables was an hour and 45 minutes of awesome action sequences, occasional comedy, old-time action stars, awesome fight scenes and then some more awesome action sequences. The movie takes off from the moment it starts, and it doesnt really slow down after that.

It is with slight hesitance that you can walk into this movie 100% confident in saying that it WILL be good, I mean after all there are so many known faces and old talent that either this has to be a mocuaction film, like what JCVD did as a mocumentary, or a complete flop on ultimately a series, like the recent installment of Predator. However, everyone maintained their spot and rather than take the show, provided a slice of the pie.

The only acting flaw I found was Randy Couture  -- what the hell? How did he end up in this movie along side such greats as Stallone, Li, Dolph, etc etc. His acting is amateur, his parts were small (thank god) and the only use for him was being a baby about his cauliflower ears -- WHO CARES? Keep him in the ring, not the big screen, please k thanks.

My quick write? It's a great movie that blows people up, throws a lot of knives, provides some incredible action sequences (watched a few interviews, and they almost all did their own stunts, and they did them well), great gun fights, and more awesome action sequences. It will truly be difficult for any of these actors to pull out a movie better than this, I imagine, in the rest of their acting career.

If you dont like action, you dont like movies that plots dont really matter, and you dont like awesome bad ass action, then dont see this -- Eat, Pray, Love comes out in a few weeks.

If you DO like all this, you'll love it. I promise -- this will go down as one of the best action flicks to date, I feel!

9Aug/100

The Last Exorcism – more like last exorshmisim. fail.


Tonight I took some friends to go see an advanced screening of The Last Exorcism, and I was praying to all that is Holy that this movie would not blow, much like many other recent horror AND SPECIFICALLY exorcism movies have.

Well, I was let down.

SPOILER FREE: The quick synopsis is a pastor states that you must believe in demons if you are Christian, because they're part of hell yada yada yada - then he says he doesnt believe in demons .. um, okay? He describes how exorcisms are a sham and goes to prove it with this girl in back-country Louisiana and the movie is the playing out of what happens.

Well, let me tell you this ... I dont think the writers of this movie thought the movie out any better than the JJ Abrams and his pose did with Lost. Honestly, the movie had a great feel like that of The Blair Witch Project or Paranormal Activity -- the assumption this is real footage, and that it was real people filming. You constantly felt like you were stuck in the camera shake of Blair Witch meets Cloverfield -- except this time you've seen it already because ITS BEEN DONE IN BLAIR WITCH, CLOVERFIELD, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and this continues.

Finally, the plot takes an unexpected turn and myself and others leaned forward and you heard echoing through the theater "oh shit ... its about to get F'ING NUTS I BET!!" Don't worry, it doesnt.

Needless to say, this movie took 82 minutes of an 87 minute movie to build up and completely rub in a pile of dog shit  the last 5 minutes of the film, just to leave you with a bad taste and sticky slime on your skin going "seriously? what the f-bomb was that, Gomer Pile?"

My suggestion? Skip it. NEXT! PASS! If you can convience someone to buy your ticket, go for it. Otherwise, if you SERIOUSLY want to try it, go for it, but I DID tell you so.

If I had to create a comparison, I'd say its like Blair Witch had an offspring with a Satanic-based film (I cant think of any except South Park Uncut, but that'd probably turn out pretty good).

Sorry, Eli Roth. Wait, no I'm not -- that movie sucked. You apologize!

This is me leaving the theater pouting:

8Aug/100

“Aw.. my caterpillar never turned into a butterfly!” – Despicable Me

Unicorn!!!!

I have to be honest, I'm a little late on seeing this movie. I attempted to see an advanced screening, but myself and a thousand other families were turned away as there was not enough space in the theater for us all.

However, I figured it was now time to see the movie that I had been wanting to for quite some time!

Sure, its a little creepy for me to go see Despicable Me in 3D alone on a Sunday afternoon, but it could have been worse. For instance, I think I crashed a gay couples touch fest by sitting immediately behind them and chomping on some room temperature movietheater cheese and stale chips -- om nom nom chomp chomp. Theres some crumbs for ya, CRUMB MONSTER!

So, the movie finally started and I have to say I was hoping for a bit more and left a bit let down. Maybe it was the fact I was super excited to see it for free or a small fee (I have a free movie ticket from Regal Crown Club) but the girl wouldnt hook it up, and nor could I get a student discount because the movie is still considered matinee (seriously? its been out for 3 days shy of a month? WTF! Matinee my ass.)

To keep this short, since MOST of you who will see this movie HAVE seen this movie, it was petty good. If I had any kind of rating, I'd give it a "High C/Low B" or maybe like, 3.5/5 Cheetos.

Really, in my honest opinion, the best part of the movie (that drug on at parts) were the minions -- specifically their quest at the megamart for a unicorn. The minions had great fun and provided me with enough laughs to actually warrant a few tears, so for them, I say thank you.

The voice work, the score, and the animation was acceptable but definitely not breath taking, and you wont see me place this with the most epic of animated movies of all time -- ICE AGE!

So yea, check out the movie. If you have adoration for Boo from Monsters, Inc. then this movie will give you a new cute girl to enjoy watching on the screen.

Hell, you'll even learn how:

+ time =

Definitely pick this one up for a movie night when it hits Blockbuster/Netflix. Its a good watch, just not a modern classic.

UNICORN!!!

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