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24Aug/100

Chicken wings: the fuel to violence in rural Atlanta

Wow. Just... just wow.

Tonight my friend Tyler and I decided "hey! we're bored! we're hungry! LETS EATTTTTTTTT!" so we venture out to Wild Wings in Marietta for their "2 for Tuesday" deal on wings. Jesus, what a mistake... What a huge huge mistake.

Our night and adventure that seemed so promising was quickly shat and flushed down the toilet the moment we got to the restaurant, before we even got to park.

We pull up and theres a giant wait ... of 16 and unders. We find out theres a wait for 50 minutes -- we should have left. If I had a mullegen, I'd leave.

What my night ended with was the current attempt to find the solution of this equation: Yager + asshole + full moon + drive for chicken wings by all party + trashy girls = near fight and possible gunning in Wild Wing parking lot.

Who knew that its no longer Blood Diamonds, but Blood Tasty-Chicken-Wing-Morsels. Sorry, DiCaprio -- this one doesnt star you, but rather me!

So here's the scoop. The wait was 50 minutes -- or first come first serve at the Tiki Bar outback of the Wild WIngs. We ventured out back and found some seats! Our thoughts? SCORE! SCREW YOU 50 MINUTE WAIT! The reality? Internal dialogue of: damn, I should really be sticking to my diet and not have come out tonight.

The sitch was this: End of bar - taken seat - open seat - taken seat - open seat - taken seat - taken seat - end of bar

We ask the two people talking over the 2nd taken seat if that seat was taken, and they happily converged together and gave us then two open seats side by side -- SCORE! SCREW YOU 50 MINUTE WAIT!

10 minutes pass, all hell starts to unravel. It turns out we sat next to the good ol Brenden, a Canadian.

Brenden now invited some classy classy girls to come sit with him at the bar, and it was now our problem to deal with it seemed.

Brenden: Hey, hippy, get up and give your seat to my friends.

Tyler: What? No. Hi, my name is Tyler!

Brenden: Ya, Brenden. Now be a gentleman and give your seat to my friends.

From then on, it was constant "You're a douchebag! You're a fag! I'm not asking you to pull your dick out and jack off, I just want you to get up and give me your seat!" and more and more.

Honestly, there was a better chance of me pulling out my sausage than giving that prick my seat at this point. However, the bartender was starting to get pissed off, so I hopped up and gave my seat, and was given one to someone else immeidately.

Problem solved -- except for Brendan, the Canadian, who continued to keep talking smack.

20 minutes pass:

Brendan: Hey get the fuck up so my friends can sit, and scoot down

Me: Get the fuck up? How about you apologize for calling me a douchebag? I'd then love to give you my seat!

Blah blah blah. Of course this was then said:

Brendan: If you have a problem, come out to the parking lot with me to settle it mother fucker!

And of course, I laugh and start into the "really? are we going to throw down over wanting some chicken wings?"

I gave him my seat, cuz I'm a "faggot douchebag".

Finally other seats open, we move and he talks some more smack, we ignore and enjoy our much needed chicken wings. Afterall, Brendan was hopped up on Jager, Bud Light and CHICKAN WANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG so I needed my fuel for my fireeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Anyway, we leave. I look over my shoulder a few times to watch him eyeing us out of the corner of his eye, but he stays put.

We get to my car, get in, and start backing up and low and behold! ITS BRENDAN!

Looking in random car windows parked, and running up to every car window driving and looking in to see if we were there, looking like he was holding something under his shirt. Was it a gun? Maybe. Was it his to-go parcel of chicken wings? I hope not, Brendan is the HULK when he has wings in his blood.

We drove off....

Lesson? If you go get chicken wings, bring a weapon.

It makes sense that the week after I decide humanity has restored a marginal amount of faith to me, and I don't need a pistol to defend myself and decide to sell it, that I really wish I had one.

Sorry for my rant -- I just didnt realize tasty chicken wing morsels came with such an adventure anymore. I'm not sure I like it :\

   
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